One Sip at a Time ❤️

Trigger warning Infant loss and miscarriage

Recently we had a tragedy in our family. My husbands brothers wife went into labour with her twins at 31 weeks. Willow was the little girl and her brother was named Maddox. Sadly 2 weeks ago we all had to say goodbye to Willow. She just wasn’t strong enough and had very little brain activity. Seeing such a small baby hooked up to all these machines and the beeping so much beeping. It broke my heart. 9 years ago I had a miscarriage. I flushed the toilet because thats all i could do in that moment. Worst way to say goodbye to your child. It brought back memories but I am really good at shoving stuff down. Until my ex husband called me to check on me because our daughter told him what happened. Which this man and I haven’t talked about this since it happened years ago. Then he left me for a new girl while on deployment. Needless to say it was just alot at once. Then thinking about my best friend who just lost her little boy her daughters twin. Which made it even worse because she is one of the only ones I felt I could talk to but I also had to make sure she was okay with me sharing because I know it brought it up again for her as well. As well as one of my old best friends who had twins but one came out stillborn and I was in the room after she gave birth and there to help her through the questions and arrangments for her little boy. All of these emotions and things just flooded over me the day I got the message that they were getting ready to let her go. We just met her the day before. We were in the room when her and her brother got to be together for the first time since their birth. He reached out for her and we all broke out in tears. I still am struggling with it but I have to put on a brave face for my kids so writing it all down helps. I think about the child i would have he or she would have been 8 now because my daughter was only 2. I wonder why this world is so cruel . There is a quote that says “some souls are just to great for this world“. It hit me right where it hurts because its so true. I’m not a relgious person in the slightest but sometimes you just hope they are in a beautiful place and you will get to see then again one day. Willows ashes will be picked up tomorrow. We will have a gathering after her brother gets to go home. Mom wants him to be there. Bittersweet. I think this is all I want to write about it right now there might come a part 2. To my niece you are very loved and cherished we miss you so much already.